Exclusive - Minster Bowen Announces New Policy

Climate Change and Energy Minister today annouced the Albanese Government’s latest policy to increase the resilience of Australia’s electicity network. A new $15 billion program will be established to provide households with monkeys on bicycles to generate renewable electricity.

Flanked by Prime Minister Albanese and Profigacy Minister Katy Gallagher, Bowen announced that each and every Australian household will be eligible for a monkey and bicycle package to provide essential electricity in the event of insufficient renewable generation.

Bowen declared:

This is the ultimate in renewable backup. There won’t be need to spend on transmission lines, when they monkey’s aren’t generating electricity, they make wonderful companions.

Bowen added:

Monkeys are warm and make great coversation. I can attest to this having sat with plenty of monkies in plenty of Labor caucus meetings.

Profligacy Minister Gallagher has confirmed that the crack team in Treasury has costed this proposal; while on crack. She added:

I can assure you that the costings are accurate at $15 billion. And if they are wrong, we will just add more billions. Money grows on trees so the monkies, while not peddling can collect.

Gallagher noted that this program will also operate as an off budget item because it will generate a commercial rate of return.